Whoa. It's only Tuesday but the fatigue I'm having is as much as what I had last year, by Friday, when the week was over. At this point, breaking down a lot of times is very necessary because if not, insanity will approach and control the hell out of me. I've had a few breakdowns the past week, and some of them were really random. In a random time, and a random place.
So I was eating at this German restaurant (whose food was really good! They contain pork, though.) and I didn't feel like eating. It was a Saturday night, around 7 PM, and there were a lot of people. We were lucky to be able to get a seat. The thing is, on that day, I haven't eaten the whole day because I had to submit a few assignments to some teachers at break. I didn't have the time to eat. And obviously, I got very angry. Hungry people get very sensitive, you know. Even lions do. After school, I had to do a try out that lasted for four hours at inten with a friend of mine. Again, no time to eat. I got angrier. And after the try out, all I wanted to do was go home, get some recharge (sleep), and do the assignments that were due the week after. But noooo, of course not. That'd be too good to be true. When I got to my car, I saw my sister and my mom wearing very fancy clothes, indicating that we were heading to the mall afterwards. Meanwhile I, was still in my complete, ugly, green uniform; looking like a trash/mess after a long day. I got angrier. All I wanted to do was rest; can't I get just that? Long story short, we ended up at the German restaurant. You see, I didn't order anything except for a cup of chamomile tea. And all of a sudden, I got very sad. I thought about my future that seemed so dim, my effort that seemed meaningless, the tasks that I haven't done, the tests that I will face the week after, this dumb head of mine, the inferiority complex that I have because I have to compete with my ultra superior friends, and so much more. They weren't lying when they say that 'thoughts kill'. I cried, in a very crowded restaurant; but I didn't make a noise. Whilst the incident, I overheard my sister saying, "Mami, pas kakak ujian nanti kan dede libur. Kita jalan-jalan yuk! Ke Bali aja, udah lama dede gak ke Bali!". Man, I got even sadder than I already was. It's as if when I'm on the verge of insanity, no one was, and will be there for me. But my mom noticed my sniffles, and said "Gak lah. Mami harus dirumah, kakak kamu butuh support.", and tousled my hair softly. I think we all know what happened next.
1 Comment
orang cantik
7/2/2016 10:06:06 pm
Hai megzo! jgn sedih dong lu AHAHAHAA mangatmangat!
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Prologuenot much goes on inside my head anymore. In my house of sadness, may I invite you in?
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